One Left Lacking
by V.Evergreen
Summary: Life in 1913 is hard. But there are moments which make it almost worth it.


"Martha?"

"Hmm?" She replied. She didn't bother turning around, instead continuing to try and wrest a bed sheet into submission. It wasn't like she'd never made a bed before but back home it was more of a case of flattening the duvet and hoping Mum wouldn't notice, but apparently maids of 1913 needed to be a bit more precise.

"I know you've been with me a while-" he began awkwardly.

She held back a snort. In truth she'd only been with John Smith for a grand total of six days. They'd moved into this damned school and she'd been put straight to work. So had he, of course, but she doubted teaching was as much of a back breaking job.

"What I'm trying to say is..." He broke off haltingly again.

With a sigh she turned around. Yesterday and in the morning he'd been hovering around something he obviously thought he should say but refused to just come out and say it. He was standing there, shifting slightly from foot to foot looking so uncomfortable she thought she ought to take pity on him. She would as well, if she knew what he meant to say.

He reached up and tugged on his ear in a way at was so _Doctor-ish_ that she smiled. It seemed to put at ease and with a deep breath he ploughed on, "You've been very good to me, Martha, always looking after me and such and well...it occurred to me that I hadn't been very kind in return."

He looked at her expectantly as though he expected her to be able to extract a coherent meaning from the jumble of words he'd thrown at her. She looked at him blankly.

"I just- I realised that I never actually asked you, if you wanted to come here, I mean." He looked at her shamefaced and Martha felt a tug at her heart. He looked so downtrodden but so different from how she'd known him. "I just decided to go and assumed you'd join me, as you did. I'm ever so grateful you did, don't get me wrong," he said hurriedly, going red as his words became a little blurred together, "but looking back it was rude and a little- well, a little arrogant of me to assume."

She wasn't quite sure of what he wanted to hear. She didn't know exactly what he remembered in those false memories of his but she was more relieved than she could say for the fact that they factored her into the occasion. If she were honest she thought the situation looked more like the Doctor's guilt rather than that of John Smith's. The doctor hadn't exactly given her a choice in this, but what with the laser guns aimed at them, consoles exploding and having to rewrite his DNA he could probably be excused just this once.

"It's fine, sir." She said trying to sound upbeat, despite the fact that addressing him as sir left a bitter taste in her mouth, "I've nowhere else to be and nowhere I'd rather go."

He looked up looking more relieved to hear that than she would have imagined feasible. After all, she might have been his companion a life time ago, but here she was just his black maid who had the oddest habit of forgetting her place and was truly awful at housework. Most people would agree that she was less than an ideal servant.

"Good." He said trying to sound unaffected, "Because I wouldn't blame you if you did want to leave and seek elsewhere," her heart tightened and fear clawed at her throat. She knew she had to protect him, she'd stay with him even if she didn't, but he was also her way home. She couldn't stay here, she'd be mad within the year, "-but I would miss you."

The words were the Doctor's but the pleading glance and painful vulnerability were all John. For the first time she wondered how it was for him fitting in here. It seemed easy enough, but then things always did for him. He was still a bit of an oddball even by this centuries standards but he seemed happy enough.

Still, as much as she missed the Doctor there was a reason he was gone. She didn't know just how deep he was buried beneath his suddenly human mind but she didn't want to test the boudaries either. As much as it pained her she had to respond to John now. The Doctor would have to wait.

"Of course you would, sir." She said trying to sound bright and cheery, "Who else would put up with you?"

It was risky to treat him like she would normally, he was still so new to her and who knew how he'd react. It wasn't exactly the most politically correct time and she knew many would take badly to her talking like she did with him.

It was, however, a calculated risk that paid off. The uncertainty withdrew from his eyes, though she knew it would be back to fight another day. Impulsively, he stepped towards her and kissed her on the cheek. He drew back quickly already flushed red but smiling.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Martha."

He smiled again, with it reaching his eyes that just for a second looked so warm and wise like they had once. But the moment shattered and he left the room in a hurry, bumping his shin and brushing past a wall. So unlike his usual self but so similar as well. She wasn't sure if that made the whole thing better or worse.

She stared after him as he left. It was moments like these that made her want to hang onto him. He'd never love her really, she knew that deep down, but he always looked so...so sad. As though he knew everyone would leave eventually. It made her want to promise to stay even though she knew that one day she'd leave too and probably be glad to.

That was one of he worst things about this whole situation. Sometimes she wondered if this new human Doctor wasn't just the time lord one with no inhibitions. Sometimes she thought it might be the latter but mostly she hoped for the former.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Martha."

She hoped that wasn't true. One day he'd have to face the fact that he had to. And she hoped and prayed with all her heart that he was back to himself when the time came.

Because he couldn't stay like this and she couldn't protect him forever.


End file.
